Mask of Sorrow

In the gospel last Feb 2, Jesus was presented at the temple. There he met Simeon, a devout man and considered as a very intelligent. There the holy family also saw a widow named Anna. She is known as a prophetess. As a widow, she is described to have known and suffered sorrow. She must know what sorrow is all about.

In the gospel’s reflections in “366 days with the Lord”, a daily gospel published by St Paul’s, it says :

Anna’s being a widow meant that, at least because of the death of her husband, she had known sorrow. Sorrow can make us hard, bitter, and resentful, or more understanding, kinder, and more sympathetic. It can take away our faith or make our faith more solid. Which of these alternatives happens will depend on what we think about God – whether he’s a tyrant who sends sorrows with no apparent reason other than his own pleasure, or a loving Father who permits us to be tested to show who we are. To Anna, God was a loving Father.

It is very fitting in my current situation. Sorrow tests your faith in God and the way we will react on the these tests depends on how I think about God.
The reflection groups our reaction into two groups as follows;
Left : hard, bitter, and resentful - can take away our faith
Right : more understanding, kinder, and more sympathetic - make our faith more solid

It is very easy to say that we should choose those in right but I tell you, it’s not easy. I wouldn’t wish anybody to be in my situation. It’s as if I’m hanging on a last thread without knowing how long it can take me. It tests your faith and had not with my mother’s guidance and love during my formative years, I would have easily fallen. Your childhood environment matters, how you were presented to God just as Jesus is presented to the Temple.

Again, I ask for your prayers.

Hope is not a Course of Action

I saw the title of this post from a blog and it hit me hard. If you think of it, hope is not really a course of action. It’s actually an inaction but wether we admit it or not, we hold on this on dire situations. It’s not bad to hope but what’s wrong with it is the tendency to sit back and wait for will happen.

I must admit that I do have that tendency. Not sounding to defend myself, there are times that I don’t know what to do and the only option left for me is to wait and see. I realized that that’s not really an option because if you will just notice, there are ways to solve problems. You may not solve them all but at least, you’ll cover some ground.

Hope coupled with hard work and prayers will definitely result to something positive. Don’t just sit and wait, we have to do something. In my situation, I really have to work harder and continue to find solutions. It’s easier said than done but I have to. At the same time, we should appreciate all the blessings of the Lord. Trust me, your faith in God will keep you sane.

Where Still At It!

In deep shit, that is! Though we’ve covered some ground in the past month, . The deal with my creditors has given us some breathing space. And on those days, I have immersed myself with lots of work. I also received some money from the office that allo

But it came to a point that the impasse has lapsed. And it did this week. We are actually scheduled to pay the TCT we pawned to a loan shark. We failed. Also, we were supposed to pay 180T to the previous owner of the house. I was able to give him 80T. The other 100T is still hanging in the balance. And there’s quite a number of people either waiting for their interest or full payment of their investment. I can’t pay them, of course.

Before this week, I was actually hoping that the burden will ease somehow. Some clients have already paid like that in Albay who gave 30% downpayment and then one in Bukidnon and another from a clinic that operates in the malls in the metro. But for some reason, we did not receive any part of those. The clinic’s cheque bounced and the rest was not even enough to pay for the company’s debts that matured.

Most of the time, I no longer want to wake up. There are times that I no longer want to report in the office. But I know I must, at least be present in the office even if my mind is wandering somewhere. At home, I just hug my dear wife. That’s all we can do… hug each other and pray hard that everything goes well.

Yes, I’m so depressed.

Definitely Some Good News

It’s been several weeks already since I post an update. So I guess you deserve to have some update on what’s happening to me.

I was busy as a bee this month. Jane has just launched her second flagship blog that luckily, is now starting to contribute to her online income. She’s now averaging $8 a day and that’s a pretty good start for the year. Our short-term goal is for her to average $500 a month. Maybe after two or three flagship sites, she’ll be able to achieve that.

As for the business, the main good news is the fact that we were able to finally deliver in Albay. It’s definitely a big relief. I thank and praise God for allowing a safe travel for all the people involved. The proceeds allowed us to pay some of our financiers. Of course, not all but at least, we’ve gained some ground. We’re not yet back on our feet but slowly but surely, we will get there.

Subic is still in limbo but we’re praying that they finally get their finances in order so that they’ll be able to finish their hospital. You see, we’re not just the company who is in trouble. A lot of them, actually. Some of our clients were actually able to pay and that also helped.

There’s a lot of plans for the year. With the move to the new warehouse/store, we will now be able to push through with the plan on putting up a production line for some of the items we sell. Our staffs already have the technical know-how. Items like circular tables and the likes will no longer be outsourced in the near term. The staffs are also now trained for troubleshooting and repairs. My brother and brother-in-law will take care of the production. In addition, a space will be cut-out in the store to give way for the planned internet cafe.

The ground floor of the new site is around 300sqm. That’s huge for a showroom/store so we decided to make use of the space for other purposes. Though we’ll have to shell out some money for those projects, it will help in the bottom line in the future.

You see, my post is kinda light. Not heavy as I had before. I was so down the last quarter of 2007 and thanks to my family and friends who supported me and the rest of my love ones. Brother Bo’s books and posts in his blog have been helpful, too.

That’s it for now, I promise to post some more. There’s a lot in my mind, actually. I just don’t have time to post. And yes, being busy has also helped me ride the storm. God really has some strange way of helping you in times of trouble.

Insurance Ramblings

When you get older, it is really natural that you think about your insurance. You begin to read about Insurance plans pros and cons and begin to think about what’s best for you and your family without breaking your budget. In this dire times, I really need to think about things I can cut from my monthly expenses.

As part of a near term strategy to cut the bills, I’ll cancel my comprehensive insurance for my car. With that I’ll save money on insurance premium. Yeah, it wouldn’t be really a nice idea but since I have plans to leave the country, I think it would still be best if I just get the compulsory TPL. I will be driving less and less and the participation amount for every claim would deter you for claiming for any accident. And I drive a 12 year old car, so comprehensive insurance is less and less important to me.

But if and when I leave my current employer, part of the things that I’ll be missing is the Employee Benefit Package that includes an accidental death/disablement insurance that is equivalent to 40 times my current basic salary. Not that I want to die or be disabled for the rest of my life just to get that money, there’s a feeling of reassurance that when I die, my family will get something that they can use to continue life without me. Hopefully, my would-be employer would offer the same benefit. Otherwise, I’ll have to buy a new policy. As a matter of fact, I’m currently reviewing the quotes that was given to me last year. Sure enough, Life and Pre Need plans are more expensive my comprehensive insurance. hehe…

Payment Solutions for Online Stores

Late last year, my friends and I were thinking of putting an online store for an airsoft community. It was all set(the store, the goods, etc) until we realized we needed Visa and Mastercard Payment Solutions. At first, we wanted to use GCash and SmartMoney but it’s not really widely used and most airsoft enthusiasts are professionals with credit cards.

Finding an Internet Credit Card Processor is crucial for online stores especially if you are in the Philippines. Paypal has just started to provide full service in the country and the penetration is still very low. That could have been a very good candidate. Another candidate was a local online payment processing company but their charges are too high. With very little markup, profits will only go to payment of charges.

So for now, we are doing it the hard way. That is, the client will deposit the payment in a bank, email the bank receipt to us and then we’ll send the goods to them. Pretty jurassic, huh! But it works since the volume is not that much. Hopefully, we’ll find an online merchant solution that will suit us best. Actually, you can Click Here for Merchant Accounts. That’s one of my prospects right now.

Tadpoles and Pinheads

Last Monday, Dec 31, I finally decided to pay my brother a visit in the hospital he is currently working in. It’s judgment day to see whether I’m shooting blanks or not. I had a sperm test(or whatever you call that test.)

The volume is fine at around 2ml. Total sperm count is good but when subjected to test, here’s the findings.

1. There are more pinheads than tadpoles. What’s the difference? Sperms should always look like tadpoles. It’s like a head with a tail. Only tadpoles can fertilize an egg as pinheads are just lampayatot. It is also important that tadpoles be the first to reach the egg.

2. After 1 hour, a significant percentage of the sperms are no longer moving. They must be dead already.

3. After 2 hours, there’s less and less.

There are several reasons attributed to this. One is stress and another is lack of vitamins. In this time, I would say that stress is the main reason. I’m not eating that much, too. I also lack sleep and haven’t been taking milk as of late. So it’s a wake up call for me. I need to take care of myself.

Hey, doing the test wasn’t easy. It’s my first time to do that kind test. It’s specially harder to jack-off is hospital toilet just to provide the sperm! Jacking-off, when not in mood is harder than you think. That’s what I’m telling you. Maybe if you are maniac, that would be easy. But I’m not…. oh well, just a little.

Don’t forget… DONT’ JACK-OFF WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY!

A Brand New Year

It’s 2008 and I guess I owe you a post. The holidays has given us some sort of rest from the creditors. It’s artificial but nevertheless, a rest. We just stayed home in much of the holidays with me completing all the programming changes required for my client. Fortunately, I was able to complete it in time for our meeting last Jan 1(Yes, New Year’s Day) in Alabang Town Center.

Nope, I did not make any penny for that but I’ll bill them later. They already gave me some advances last month so whatever I’ll do will just be enough to pay for it. Actually, I don’t even know if my invoice will be enough.

On the 31st, we were busy painting the new store/warehouse where we will move in later(maybe this weekend). It’s a good decision since with the move, we’ll give up the office and the store we are currently renting. We will also give up the warehouse once the contract is finished. The new place is so huge that we also plan to give up the secured parking slot that we are currently renting. The rent is expensive but if you compute the rents in three separate places, we’ll actually save 30% on rental fees. But the real benefit that the new place will give is its proximity in Bambang.  It’s in the corner of Oroquieta and Bambang in Sta. Cruz, Manila. That’s where you can find most of the medical supply stores.

Let’s hope and pray that this new store will help us solve the problem we are currently dealing with.

If you ask me if there’s anybody who paid during holidays, I’m sorry to tell you that there’s none. And even this week, we’re not expecting any. I’m praying that payments will rain starting next week. It’s a long shot but hey, never underestimate the power of God.

Simple and Wonderful Christmas

Our family spent Christmas together at our favorite rented place in Pansol, Laguna. I think that’s the third consecutive Christmas that we spent there. The kids love the place because of the hotspring swimming pool. They just love the water that they chose to go there instead of a visit to the Global Fun Carnival in Mall of Asia. The kids were very happy and that’s what important to us.

The celebration is so simple, very basic just like before. It’s that simplicity that I missed. For two days, we did not think about our problem. We just focused in the celebration, the bonding moments and of course, the time to rest.

Here’s some of the quotable quotes from the kids:

Donn : “Tito Mike, wala ka pa regalo sa akin…” (this is early on Christmas eve, hehehe)

Fia : “Nde naman totoo si Sta. Claus, fake kasi yung Barbie na binigay sa akin tas yung Teddy Bear, yun lang nabibili sa SM” (that’s on Christmas day, the day after gift-giving)

Donn : “Ayaw ko naman si Superman! Gusto ko si Batman!” (I gave him a Superman T-Shirt, he smiled back after giving him a crisp P100 bill)

Fia : “Di ba, wala namang ganun sa US?” (referring to the ‘local’ Barbie doll that ‘Santa’ gave her)

Over all, it was fun!

Greeting You a Merry Christmas

I didn’t realize that I wasn’t really greeting people “Merry Christmas”. Of course, that’s mainly because I can’t be merry on Christmas. That’s a shame since my friends deserve to be happy. I, too, deserve to be happy on this holiday season. Not because I have financial problems, I can no longer greet them, right?

So with this post, I greet all you people who read this a Happy Christmas. May the spirit of Christmas be with you always. Please do treasure your loved ones, the people around you. Let’s be thankful for all the blessings that we have received for the year.

On another note, being happy is a choice. On this season, I choose to be happy. If I can’t be happy, at least I’ll try. Again, Merry Christmas to you all! Accept Jesus in your home.