A Shattered Life

Not quite fast! I still have my love handles but soon, it will be gone.

I don’t really make New Year’s resolution because I don’t really believe in it. But for this time, I promise myself that I’ll exercise more and regularly. Years of office work and no exercise has taken its toll. I have to something and make some attainable goals.

Actually, I just started today and I feel good about it. I still don’t have the endurance yet but I managed to jog/walk around the neighborhood three times. It’s a good 2.5 kilometers in all. Not really impressive but I’ll take it in stride. Next target would be 5 km. I think I can easily do that in the next three weeks.

The medium term goal is to run for the 10km marathon here in Singapore. I think I can do that if I’ll be able to do it regularly. Hopefully, the belly will be gone by year’s end. Or at least, it will be reduced. Of course, the long term goal is to be fit.

So don’t be surprised if instead of a love handle, you’ll see a six pack on my abs. Hahaha!

There are tons of reasons why we should be happy. I am thankful of all the blessings I receive. However, there are really times when you are just so down. That’s what I’m feeling right now.

It started last week when we were told that my wife’s contract will not be extended. The company had to end her contract when the project she is supposed to be assigned was postponed/scrapped. The team wanted to keep her but the maintenance fee that they get from their client is not enough to cover her salary.

But that’s just part of the things you think about. It’s also frustrating not to be able to give simple things that my wife asks. In as little things as going to the mall(her stress reliever) sometimes become a financial burden knowing every dollar makes a difference.

The heaviest part of it all is the feeling that you alone.

Today is a major milestone. It is our first year here in Signapore. Yep, we flew here last April 26, 2008. The following day, we checked out where would my office be and how to get there. On that same day, we also inspected a unit in Punggol. That inspection was pre-arranged by my friend. On the third day, I am off to my new employer for a First Day High!.

I have a lot to thanks. One of them is Marq and his housemates who welcomed us in their flat. That’s where we stayed for two weeks before moving here in Punggol. There’s also Lando who has been my buddy while I was stationed at the Cuppage office. My pinoy officemates at Bituin Telecoms who welcomed me in their group. To Tolitz who has been and still is my hand in paying my bills in Manila. And my family, of course, who have been supportive of me. Also to my wife who has been supportive and stayed with me with our current ordeal. Of course, our Lord almighty who’s always there to guide us. I have a lot of things and people to thank for but I cannot mention them all.

Our journey here has taught us invaluable lessons in life. And as I always say, it is the journey that matters. More importantly, it has made me and my wife more mature. Our experiences here tested our will and mettle. But I’m confident that everything will be fine in the end. I trust him that He’ll continue to shower us with His blessings.

By the way, I already renewed my contract for another year. That’s another blessing. It’s not an easy time in the office with the “LIVE” date coming near. Everybody feels the crunch. But just part of the job.

Work is so taxing the past few months I don’t really have time to write. I work at least 12 hours a day and spends at least 2.5 hours travelling. That’s for the whole week including Saturdays. So that’s my excuse now for not posting anything despite a lot of things happening in my life, good and bad.

But I still have time to read. And one of the inspiring stories from my mailbox is below. I don’t know who the original author is but think it is worth sharing.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about
her life and how things were so hard for her. She did
not know how she was going to make it and wanted to
give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It
seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three
pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon
the pots came to boil. In the first she placed
carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the
last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit
and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.
She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.
She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.
Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a
bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me, what do
you see?”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel
the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft.

The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and
break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed
the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the
coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich
aroma. The daughter then asked, “What does it mean,
mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had
faced the same adversity .. boiling water. Each
reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard,
and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the
boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg
had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected
its liquid interior, but after sitting through the
boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground
coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in
the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When
adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are
you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems
strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and
become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but
changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but
after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some
other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my
shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and
tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually
changes the hot water, the very circumstance that
brings the pain When the water gets hot, it releases
the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean,
when things are at their worst, you get better and
change the situation around you. When the hour is the
darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate
yourself to another level? How do you handle
adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to
keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best
of everything; they just make the most of everything
that comes along their way. The brightest future will
always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go
forward in life until you let go of your past failures
and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end,
you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you
is crying. You might want to send this message to
those people who mean something to you (I JUST DID);
to those who have touched your life in one way or
another; to those who make you smile when you really
need it; to those who make you see the brighter side
of things when you are really down; to those whose
friendship you appreciate; to those who are so
meaningful in your life.

There has been a lot of things that came and passed the past few months. The most significant one is the almost non-renewal of wifey’s contract with her current client. She only have a 6-month contract which was due for renewal last February. Prior to our visit to Manila, she was informed that she will be renewed for another month. So we came home confident that when we come back, she’ll still have a job. Besides, there’s a project she is doing and is due for implementation.

But just a few days into the end of her contract, the agency called informing her that she will not be renewed unless she agrees to a pay cut. The client is asking for a 12% adjustment on the rate that the agency is charging the company. The client also specifically requested that the consultant’s rate must not be changed. As the agency is known for charging a premium of around 100% markup on the consultant’s rate, it would not hurt. But they did try to pass the 12% to my wife’s rate which we readily objected.

When the adjustment was cleared with the client, they went confronted the agency. They specifically informed the agency that the consultant’s rate must not be changed. And neither us will agree with the cut. It’s a significant adjustment that will make their rate uncompetitive already. So the company’s HR had to quarrel with the agency over the new rate.

Between my wife and the agency, we sadly had to go back to the contract. And we had the following provisions on our side.

1. No changes in renumeration is allowed within twelve months
2. The contract is not automatically terminated at the end of the contract. A written advice is required 30 days prior to the end of the contract. The contract is in-force until the end of the 30 days period
3. Any change in renumeration must be notified in writing

After several heated discussions between the client and the agency, the client just decided to extend the contract until June of this year. That’s the end of another project that’s lined up for my wife. After that, there will no longer be any renewal. The rate that the agency is charging the company is just too high for them and with more pressure from the management to limit spending, wifey’s contract will get the axe.

So for now, we are looking for another opportunity for her. At least, we have time to prepare and won’t be caught flat footed just like in February. Although at this point in time, it won’t be easy. Singapore is on its third quarter of recession and the outlook isn’t good. Many expect that the financial crisis will last for at least another year. And job prospects just become more scarce. We have friends who has been looking for job since November 2008.

So what we are just praying now is for her to be renewed come June. We are hoping that the company change their mind by that time and decide to continue my wife’s contract. If there’s anything that we learned from it, it is to read your contract carefully and understand it. Don’t just renew and go with what your agency say. Another thing is to always go to the safe side. That means if you can get a longer contract, then get it.

The credit-crunch caravan knocking on the doors of those affected has just pass by. It promises to come back in the neighborhood sometime later. It’s like “Kamatayan” hacking your head away if you answered incorrectly to their question.

Case in point is the news that some of my collegues(fellow Pinoys working in my employer), were asked a dreaded question — “What is your selling point?”. For the unsuspecting, that’s like any other question thrown at you by your boss. But here, your answer can make or break you. And sometimes, your answer doesn’t matter. If they need to kick you out, they will. No matter how hard it is for them and for you. At the end of the day, when they have to fire people, they will have to or their heads will also come rolling.

All fellow whose contracts ended in January or will end in February have seen their contract extended only up to October 31, 2009. That’s barely 9 months and it send chills to those who are due for renewal. And I think they are still lucky. Most of them are supporting (dev/productionn support) systems that are due for retirement come November. Before I was moved to this project, I’m also part of the dev team of one of the major systems that will be retired and replaced. So I still feel lucky that I’m here in this project.

But despite all the gloomy forecast, all I can do now is do my job and give it my best shot. At least if and when I will be asked that question, I have something to say. I’m currently at the peak of a big project here but big as it is, I am dispensable. My part of the project is limited to the migration which is the first part of the project. After that, my service is no longer neeeded as there are people who are trained to do the other parts (support, etc). On top of that, my assignment is not on my comfort zone. I’m doing C++ programming and unix scripting. Before this, the only time I’ve programmed with C was in college. No matter how much I love it, I don’t have the level skill that will please a manager.

Honestly and admittedly, we are not prepared if and when the rainy days come. Besides, I’m still at the middle of a storm. Hopefully, I’ll be full with assignments for the next 5 months so that I’ll be a little indespensable. A little edge, so to speak. An extension until the end of the year is still welcome, a 1 year extension will be a bonus but an offer for permanent is a long shot. But that’s still possible and I’ll grab it if they give me an offer (at the right price, of course).

The year of the rat is a very challenging year for me and my family. The problem started in the last quarter of 2007 and it changed our lives completely. And just like the global economy, our fate turned from bad to worse in the early months of 2008. It’s a tragedy of an unimaginable magnitude. Our simple but happy life suddenly turned into a miserable one. It has brought us in different geographical locations and problems too much to bear.

We are far from solving it but we will sure get there. I’ll be waiting be waiting that moment when we can say that the storm is over and look back to all things that happened and gone. I’ll wait for the moment when me and my family come together in one place. I’m longing to taste that kind of happiness that was lost from us because of bad business decisions that could have been avoided.

But as I have said, the light will come again. In his time…

It’s sounds like a cliche but time really passes by so fast. Today is our third wedding anniversary. It feels like it was only yesterday. It really do.

In between those three years, we went through a lot of challenges. We had our ups and downs. We’ve seen the good times, the better, the bad and of course, the worse. It’s a rollercoaster ride and a real test of the “for better or for worse” of our wedding vows.

But despite all the challenges, the blessings of the Lord is still outpouring. All we have to do is keep our eyes open. As I have said, we’ve seen better times and we might be at a low point these days, we nevertheless believe that good times are coming. There’s a lot to be thankful and more than anything, what’s important is we are still in each other’s arms.

So I ask you, my dear friends, to continue to pray for us.

In the gospel last Feb 2, Jesus was presented at the temple. There he met Simeon, a devout man and considered as a very intelligent. There the holy family also saw a widow named Anna. She is known as a prophetess. As a widow, she is described to have known and suffered sorrow. She must know what sorrow is all about.

In the gospel’s reflections in “366 days with the Lord”, a daily gospel published by St Paul’s, it says :

Anna’s being a widow meant that, at least because of the death of her husband, she had known sorrow. Sorrow can make us hard, bitter, and resentful, or more understanding, kinder, and more sympathetic. It can take away our faith or make our faith more solid. Which of these alternatives happens will depend on what we think about God – whether he’s a tyrant who sends sorrows with no apparent reason other than his own pleasure, or a loving Father who permits us to be tested to show who we are. To Anna, God was a loving Father.

It is very fitting in my current situation. Sorrow tests your faith in God and the way we will react on the these tests depends on how I think about God.
The reflection groups our reaction into two groups as follows;
Left : hard, bitter, and resentful – can take away our faith
Right : more understanding, kinder, and more sympathetic – make our faith more solid

It is very easy to say that we should choose those in right but I tell you, it’s not easy. I wouldn’t wish anybody to be in my situation. It’s as if I’m hanging on a last thread without knowing how long it can take me. It tests your faith and had not with my mother’s guidance and love during my formative years, I would have easily fallen. Your childhood environment matters, how you were presented to God just as Jesus is presented to the Temple.

Again, I ask for your prayers.

Sen. Legarda has made an attack on one of the Philippine port sites. I’m specifically talking about the very popular BoyBastos.com. The GMA news program 24-oras has made a report on this while local broadsheets and tabloids also followed suit. Same thing with some radio programs.

With unexpected deluge of visitors to the site, the administrators decided to temporarily take down the site. But I think the real reason is the fact that local authorities may already be investigating. So for security reasons, they need to temporarily suspend the service. Here’s what you’ll see in their website.

Hehe. Actually, the site is still up. You only have to know how to access it. Let the authorities find how to enter the site. I just ‘accidendally’ accessed some contents. Nothing much, though. I’m just not sure what you can get if you are a member. Take note that the site is consistently on top of the charts that tracks local websites. So they are really popular.

 What’s very intriguing here is that if you look at the whois entry of boybastos.com, you’ll see Loren Legarda as the registrar. So, is it the reason why she is so pissed off?

Very Funny! Let’s see where will this end.