Goodbye, Ate Lita

I just got the news that my cousin, “Ate Lita”, passed away last night. Right now, I am not sure of the cause of the death though we know that she had thyroid problems. But my brother was informed that it could have been a cancer. Of what type, we still don’t know as of the moment. All we know right now is that she wasn’t admitted in FEU in Fairview because she needed isolation but the hospital don’t have vacant facility for that. Accompanied by Ate Mel and Arianne(her eldest) they then had to rush to PGH in Manila where she succummed to death.

At mid-40s, she’s the oldest of the grandchildren of our beloved Mamang. She’s a very good dentist and was working under the health bureau of the provincial government until lately. I can still remember my tooth being extracted by Ate Lita at a makeshift clinic at the back of my grandparent’s house. That’s when she’s just about to graduate. There were times that our Lolo had to tie us on the seat in order for Ate Lita to do her job. For a time, she practiced and maintained a clinic in Panggulayan until she went into government service. Even while in the health bureau, she still maintained a clinic in their house in Bansud where she settled together with her family. Even at faraway Bansud, we would travel there for any dental problems just as everybody does from Panggulayan. Heck, I even asked her if she can do the braces of my wife which she politely declined as she isn’t an orthodontic(needs further studies for this).

Her death came at a very challenging times at on a very unappropriate time. It came as a surprise to everybody. She had to quit her job to be with her three children who are all studying in Manila. That includes the youngest who needed to transfer to Manila to be with her other sisters. I said “unappropriate time” because her husband has just left the country for work in Saudi Arabia. A brother, who until lately tends for the two kids, left for Italy for a job. Their youngest sister left in June for London to work there also together with their brother who has been there for several years already. In Quezon City where they stayed, the family is staying just beside their sister whose husband is currently in the high seas as a chiefmate. Another brother-in-law left in May for overseas work. So you see, all the men in the family are out of the country. I could have helped them if I were in Manila as what I did before. But I’m also an OFW now.

Ate Lita sacrificed a lot for her family. When I last saw her, she’s not in good shape and a lot of people are advising her to seek medical help. However, she said that she’s not feeling anything unusual. That could be true but if you look at it, she may be shrugging aside whatever she feels. She has two kids in college and money is too hard to earn. At the same time, some cancer are undetectable until it kills you.

At this time, my brothers are rushing to Manila to aid my niece (Arianne) for the wake. They are there to help whatever they can. As for me, I can only offer prayers. Oh God, I can’t even send money they badly need to bring the body to Mindoro.

I beg you, please join me in praying for her soul.

To The Bank, At Last!

I thank God for this special day. It’s not just any other day that I always thank Him for because today, God has allowed the person to whom we pawned our house, to lend us the title so that we could finally submit it to the bank. To convince that person is a real tall order. Let’s call that person as Mrs. TF.

As a matter of fact, I had to execute a promisory note that I shall deliver to her a replacement title(my sister’s) just to convince her. On top of that, she has the passbook of our joint account where the proceeds of the loan will be deposited.

Handing the title to the bank is a win-win solution for all of us concerned. To itemize the benefits, they are as follows:
1. The bank will release the loan proceeds in staggard basis. That means we will receive some money that we will use to pay Mrs. TF. On the other hand, we can use some of the proceeds to continue work on the house.
2. Since we can continue to finish the house, we’ll have chance to receive the full amount of the loan thereby allowing us to pay completely Mrs. TF. Even if we don’t completely finish the house and just enough to make it to the 90% level, at least the house would already be livable.
3. When we pay Mrs. TF, we’ll no longer pay exorbitant interest rate. That’s a big relief.
4. Most importantly, I’ll only have to pay PHP30,000+ monthly for ten years. We’ll no longer have to worry that Mrs. TF will get our house.
5. The loan is insured. If I die, my family will no longer have to worry on how to pay the house. That’s already covered by the insurance as well as fire insurance.

In two to three year’s time, I plan to transfer the loan to PAG-IBIG. I hope I’ll still have that chance. But there’s still a big problem… how to get the other title.

With God’s help, I know we’ll get it. I’ll buy a lotto ticket tonight.

Another Big Blow

As if the current problem is not enough, another big blow to the business came today. One of our main client’s payment bounced and is currently negotiating for the restructuring of their payment. That client remained our hope all this time. With their failure to pay comes all our hopes in the drain.

Just like in other cases, it’s a domino effect. That collection is already allotted for suppliers and financiers. And that check is just part of the downpayment. That means if we deposit the other checks, they will all bounce. The sad part is that all those cheques are already scheduled for payment . Now, we can’t pay our clients and financiers.

So why all these? The hospital’s loan was not approved by the bank.

It’s a very hard blow and y sister can no longer take it. She broke down into tears while talking to me on the phone. As for me, it’s the trigger that my body is waiting to start trembling. I cried, too and had to ask a good friend to accompany me on my cubicle. I just needed someone to talk to.

In the office, it has been very hard to open the emails of my financier-ofcmates. I know they need the money, too. I think at least one of them is ready to take legal actions. I’m all broke… I have nothing except the P500 in my pocket.

It’s a big blow. It would knock us out.

The Valley And Beyond

On the middle of all these mess, I can’t help but imagine about what lies beyond the valley. Simply put, what’s waiting for me and my family. Just like anybody else, I’m also human who hopes that everything will be cleared. Dreaming is my temporary respite from all the pressures and stress of my current situation. Somehow, it gives me energy to move forward — to do my responsibilities especially here at the office. Despite being bothered, I must continue life.

In line with that, we’ve able to disburse a considerable amount of money from Jan 23 until today. That’s for my accounts alone and I’m very thankful to our Lord for providing us the money. It came from various sources mainly from the business, of course. I’m also thankful to my employer who gave us performance bonus and the lowered tax rate is applied. They all came at a right time. But yes, despite all these, we’re still short of almost twice that amount. The sad thing is, it will grow larger with as time progresses because there are scheduled dues. But we can only do so much.

It’s an uphill battle that becomes more and more difficult each day. On every hill taken, there’s another one much higher than the last. It’s like the only easiest day was yesterday.

It is said (I also believe) that “HOPE IS NOT A COURSE OF ACTION” but when it’s only the best thing that you can do, you have to hold onto it. I pray that one day, I’ll be able to get a glimpse what’s beyond the valley. With God on my side, I know we’ll get there…. in His time.

Crossroads and Roadblocks

It’s a tough decision ahead. I’m on a crossroad.

My plans on working in Singapore suddenly hit a snag lately. First, there’s this POEA Memorandum on Direct Hire and then the US subprime crisis which could lead to recession. What on earth do these things have to do with me? Well, I thought there’s none until my prospect employer suspended their hiring. Talk about great timing.

On another hand are the other offers from the companies I applied in. My asking price is just above the average. What can I do? I can’t sacrifice my career here for a small increase in my paycheck. The main reason I want to go to Sing is to earn more, not simply for career advancement(though that’s part of it, admittedly). I don’t want to sound like a braggart but SGD4000 doesn’t really appeal to me because with the high cost of living in that city state, only a small amount will be left. So I have to wait for better offer.

What’s difficult here is that the management of my current employer is waiting for my decision. I’ve already told them my plans and though they understand my situation, I need to decide on whether I’ll go ahead or stay. It’s an important decision as they need it in the planning. It’s not like the company depends on me but on our setup, everybody is important. No one is indespensible but everyone matters. The company has been very good to me, I must admit. I cannot hang them in a balance.

Going to Sing is a big decision. It’s probably one of the biggest, if not the biggest, decision in my life. There’s a lot of things at stake and in the next two weeks, I have to make a final decision. I hope to God that he enlighten me and I ask you to pray for me. I know God has a reason for all these.

The TadPole Update

I visited a urologist last Saturday to ask an expert advice regarding my fertility problem. Yes, I call it that no matter how blunt the word is.

I was asked if I’m stressed. You guess it right, I am. Year 2007 was a year full of twists and turns. I started the year flying to Taiwan office to solve a problem in their application systems and a string of high-profile projects were dumped on me. It was very stressful and tiring that on mid-2007, I already want to quit. It was a year of numerous phone calls in the wee hours in the morning. And it doesn’t stop there. Our financial woes started last October until now.

Would that be the possible cause? As of now, we don’t know. One thing is for sure, I have 95% abnormal/weak sperm on my first test. The doctor advised me take another test in Capitol. He also did not find anything abnormal on my testicles so it will take several tests to be able to determine what needs to be done.

I was also advised to take Rogin E twice. If after the second test and the result is still not favorable, he’ll prescribe another medicine on top of RoginE. As for now, I’m not allowed to drink beer and any alcohol. I will not be affected by that since I only drink occasionally. So it’s much easier to avoid it all together. I also don’t have any problem with the no-smoking rule as I don’t smoke. I also don’t take drugs and never had. One last thing that I’m not allowed to take — spicy foods. Well, I also hate them. I hope these new measures will make my tadpoles stronger and live longer.

Look at me, as if my financial woes is not enough, I have this kind of deficiency. But I believe God has plans for Jane and me. Everything happens for a reason. All we have to do is wait and trust him.

Coconut and Typhoons

A priest recently ask me, “Do you know the difference between the coconuts near the shore and the trees inland?”

I pause a bit and convincing myself that I don’t see any difference, I asked him back. He told me that trees that grew near the shorelines are stronger and doesn’t easily fall even with strong winds and typhoons. I must admit that I did not realize that until he told me so. If you’ll notice, trees and nuts (coconuts) that stands near the shore is constantly battling strong winds but they don’t fall down. They even bear fruit. On the contrary, you’ll see fallen trees blocking the streets every time there is a strong typhoon. I’ve seen this numerous times in my home province. Our was even damaged one time by a fallen tree. So, how is it related to our dire situation?

People are like the trees. There are people who are like those that are near the shorelines. Winds from the seas are strong and constant. And the more they are battered by strong winds, the more they extends their roots into the ground. It adjusts to the situation so that on every time a typhoon or the strong “habagat” winds comes, the tree would be able to survive. In the end, the winds allowed the tree to grow stronger, with extended roots, with proper grounding. On the contrary, the trees further inland are not often subjected to strong winds and thus become vulnerable when a typhoon comes. They easily sway and fall.

In real life, problems actually makes us stronger. And we must understand that anything that won’t kill us will only make us stronger if we choose to. Easier said than done but with God’s grace, storms will past and we will be better prepared on the next.

Hope is not a Course of Action

I saw the title of this post from a blog and it hit me hard. If you think of it, hope is not really a course of action. It’s actually an inaction but wether we admit it or not, we hold on this on dire situations. It’s not bad to hope but what’s wrong with it is the tendency to sit back and wait for will happen.

I must admit that I do have that tendency. Not sounding to defend myself, there are times that I don’t know what to do and the only option left for me is to wait and see. I realized that that’s not really an option because if you will just notice, there are ways to solve problems. You may not solve them all but at least, you’ll cover some ground.

Hope coupled with hard work and prayers will definitely result to something positive. Don’t just sit and wait, we have to do something. In my situation, I really have to work harder and continue to find solutions. It’s easier said than done but I have to. At the same time, we should appreciate all the blessings of the Lord. Trust me, your faith in God will keep you sane.

Where Still At It!

In deep shit, that is! Though we’ve covered some ground in the past month, . The deal with my creditors has given us some breathing space. And on those days, I have immersed myself with lots of work. I also received some money from the office that allo

But it came to a point that the impasse has lapsed. And it did this week. We are actually scheduled to pay the TCT we pawned to a loan shark. We failed. Also, we were supposed to pay 180T to the previous owner of the house. I was able to give him 80T. The other 100T is still hanging in the balance. And there’s quite a number of people either waiting for their interest or full payment of their investment. I can’t pay them, of course.

Before this week, I was actually hoping that the burden will ease somehow. Some clients have already paid like that in Albay who gave 30% downpayment and then one in Bukidnon and another from a clinic that operates in the malls in the metro. But for some reason, we did not receive any part of those. The clinic’s cheque bounced and the rest was not even enough to pay for the company’s debts that matured.

Most of the time, I no longer want to wake up. There are times that I no longer want to report in the office. But I know I must, at least be present in the office even if my mind is wandering somewhere. At home, I just hug my dear wife. That’s all we can do… hug each other and pray hard that everything goes well.

Yes, I’m so depressed.

Definitely Some Good News

It’s been several weeks already since I post an update. So I guess you deserve to have some update on what’s happening to me.

I was busy as a bee this month. Jane has just launched her second flagship blog that luckily, is now starting to contribute to her online income. She’s now averaging $8 a day and that’s a pretty good start for the year. Our short-term goal is for her to average $500 a month. Maybe after two or three flagship sites, she’ll be able to achieve that.

As for the business, the main good news is the fact that we were able to finally deliver in Albay. It’s definitely a big relief. I thank and praise God for allowing a safe travel for all the people involved. The proceeds allowed us to pay some of our financiers. Of course, not all but at least, we’ve gained some ground. We’re not yet back on our feet but slowly but surely, we will get there.

Subic is still in limbo but we’re praying that they finally get their finances in order so that they’ll be able to finish their hospital. You see, we’re not just the company who is in trouble. A lot of them, actually. Some of our clients were actually able to pay and that also helped.

There’s a lot of plans for the year. With the move to the new warehouse/store, we will now be able to push through with the plan on putting up a production line for some of the items we sell. Our staffs already have the technical know-how. Items like circular tables and the likes will no longer be outsourced in the near term. The staffs are also now trained for troubleshooting and repairs. My brother and brother-in-law will take care of the production. In addition, a space will be cut-out in the store to give way for the planned internet cafe.

The ground floor of the new site is around 300sqm. That’s huge for a showroom/store so we decided to make use of the space for other purposes. Though we’ll have to shell out some money for those projects, it will help in the bottom line in the future.

You see, my post is kinda light. Not heavy as I had before. I was so down the last quarter of 2007 and thanks to my family and friends who supported me and the rest of my love ones. Brother Bo’s books and posts in his blog have been helpful, too.

That’s it for now, I promise to post some more. There’s a lot in my mind, actually. I just don’t have time to post. And yes, being busy has also helped me ride the storm. God really has some strange way of helping you in times of trouble.